- This morning I was reading my friend Michelle McCarthy's blog, "The Flabby to Flabulous Files". She was talking about her kids growing older and wanting to make sure she was present so that she remembered everything. I started thinking about my boys. I remembered loving that I was the mothership. They would jettison out of my orbit, entertaining themselves for a while and then return to dock, right in the middle of my heart for a while, for a kiss, a hug, some reassurance and maybe a snuggle on my lap.
But I miss knowing how their cheeks smell and how sweaty big-headed boys get during the day. I miss taking off a boy's sock and having a whole shoe of sand dump out onto the floor. Boy's rooms don't always smell that great and they don't aim in the bathroom but it gets better It's exhausting but important work taking care of our nation's most precious natural resource.
A while ago I wrote this and wanted to share it with you,
possibly for the second time. ~
I collect boys.
Small pebbles of manhood gathered together - shifting, always moving to a rhythm that is a mystery to me. Why do they hit stuff with sticks?
Why do they flail about when they laugh, kicking their feet in the air like little donkeys? Can I ever know? Maybe not.
Perhaps it's enough to say that what is, is. Whatever happens, happens
No because. No explanation.
Just the acceptance of the roughness of these small men - these soon to be fairly smooth pebbles.
My pebbles click against theirs, smoothing out their jagged edges.
They roll from side to side and quite often hit against me.
My roundness, smoothness, the tidal waves of my femininity serve to polish my boys.
With each kiss, each rock in the evening story time rocking chair, each dried tear, a rough spot is smoothed.
And, with every encounter filled with angered shouts, reproofs and hugs of apology, I smooth a spot for another woman at another time.
My boys. My loves. My life.
How puzzling for us, this tossing about.
How energizing our love becomes.
We are life! We are together. We are lovable. Yes, we can love others.
And most assuredly, this world we inhabit is a great place - a place of love and trust.
A place in which we can rattle about and become better, smoother.
These pebbles, my pebbles - how lucky I am. How bewildered I am.
Small pebbles big enough to fill my world.
Big pebbles small enough to fill my arms. What else do I need to understand ?